Last Sunday, while waiting in line for confession, I realised something drastic.
I made a god of myself. And I belittled my One and Only God.
There's no denying what I did and how complicated, yet simple it was. Even then in line I didn't realise the absolute terror of it all. But I had done that. Its almost what my mind had become to think automatically. And when I think about making a god of myself, I know that it isn't too uncommon in life. You might wonder how I became of this, but its so much easier than you could possibly think; its probably very common with the more choleric and melancholic types!
How it happened was very simple. I sinned. Not as easy as that, but almost as easy. What happened was that I fell into the pitying state that happens when one sins-- I believed that, by sinning the same sin again and again, it could only mean that I could not obtain mercy. Sure it didn't seem too much at the time; I know that God can forgive me over and over in the ways I can't imagine. But what I did was question God. And by doing so made a god of myself.
( figuratively: )
I told myself I was the rock God couldn't lift because my burden was too big.
I broke God's limits of mercy.
When I imagine it in that sense, I can only hope I never question God's mercy again. And that I strive even to the point of death to do better. I need God. I don't need to question Him. I need my Way and my Light.
In a day when depression and despair is only too common I want to say to everyone...look to the Light that is our God. We need God to love, not to question. I know things sometimes get black and hope seems so far away, but imagine you're lost in a forest as dark and evil as sin. How can we get out? We use a light. Flashlights are always used for the purpose of sight and recovery...to find your lost item or to find your way in the night. Lighthouses guide boats all over the coast. God is our spiritual light! Never lose hold of Him. And when it feels as if you did, He'll be somewhere to guide you towards mercy.
There is no sin too great for God.
There is no man who God won't forgive.
Don't lose hope.
Cheers
5 comments:
that is really beautiful. i understand it all too well. thank God that His Church has never tired of proclaiming these awesome truths to each new generation that struggles to grasp them.
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Damien, amazing job on the post. It was very inspiring and something no one should ever forget! Thank God for God
Ahh...Presumption upon God's Mercy. Magnus post!
David...I honestly thought you said "tried" instead of "tired" on your comment. And that was the second time reading it! :-\
Gracias, Gente!!!!
Damien,
I am sorry to comment so late....this was beautiful and amazing. I understand that because I too have felt that God cannot forgive the same sin over and over. Beautiful and great post!
Heidi Marie
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